I was asked recently what makes a session creatively fun/satisfying for a Domme? This question will have many different answers for different Dommes. For me it basically comes down to good communication throughout: before we start, and whilst we are playing. I like play to be a dance between the two of us, each feeding from the other. It doesn’t matter so much what the activity we do is, it doesn’t matter what you look like, how old you are, what your background is, how experienced you are. The only thing that really matters is that we communicate clearly.
I like it when a sub comes to me with an idea already. Not a fully scripted fantasy, but a starting point to create from. It’s a great start if the sub can give me as much information about how they feel about different activities, likes and dislikes, turn-ons, what they want to get from our time together. From this we can build a solid framework that I can create within. With all this information I’m free to experiment, push boundaries, play around. But I can only do this when I know what the boundaries are.
A session that starts with ‘I’ll do whatever you want Sir, anything, I just want to make you happy’ is rarely particularly satisfying unless I know the sub well. I will be spending most of the time in this case trying and guessing to see what makes them tick. And just making me happy is rarely what the sub actually wants, again unless we know each other already. What the sub often means is ‘I want what makes me happy to make you happy too’, without telling me what makes them happy.
It’s also important that information about likes, dislikes, and how far they want to go is accurate. A sub who asks to be beaten black and blue then freaks out at the slightest touch is no fun. Similarly the opposite, someone who specifically asks me not to go too hard on them will be frustrated when we get to the end and they didn’t get the intense beating they were secretly dreaming of but too scared to ask for. Of course you don’t know this when you start, and that’s fine if you tell me honestly, then exploring this together becomes fun. It’s when unrealistic expectations are set that it becomes frustrating.
An alignment of interests
But honestly if you’re into something and communicate well, and if I am physically capable, I probably will be too provided it doesn’t breach my boundaries. It doesn’t have to be a shared fetish for it to be a wonderful satisfying experience for us both. Take for example the bin bag fetish session I wrote up– not my fetish personally, but a fabulous fun creative session that I will never forget.
Relaxation and trust
When a sub can relax enough to settle into the play and really experience everything without overanalysing (yes I can tell when you’re doing that and when you stop). It takes a degree of trust for this to happen, and some people just naturally trust more easily than others. It’s another thing that tends to build with time and become easier the more we know each other. But when I see you relax then I can relax too, then creativity and fun flows so much more easily.
Communication in scene
The ultimate thing that makes a scene satisfying for me is when it is co-created throughout. When someone visibly responds to my touch, my words. When I can watch their body react, and in turn react to this. I can see the breath quicken, the eyes dart or glaze over, hear moans, see flesh flush. I can get as lost in their body as they are in mine and we need never even touch. It becomes a feedback loop taking us both deeper and deeper. When everything outside our interaction disappears, when I can read you well enough to know exactly what to do or say next to bring is both deeper. This is what I really love. Sessions that go to this place are always creatively satisfying, regardless of what we’re actually doing together: whether I’m learning how to encase you in bin bags, or standard tie & tease, trampling all over you or letting you serve me tea.
So there you have it, so long as you always strive to communicate as clearly as possible, to know yourself, and to know when to let go and allow your body to communicate for you, we’re most likely to have a fabulous time together that is satisfying for both of us.
Why not get in touch to enquire about a session and we can see just how much fun we can create together.