I was asked to write an article recently about how being in pain in a BDSM context can actually make the receiver feel more powerful. How one can heal and be empowered through the concious and consensual application of painful sensations. I’d love to hear any thoughts on this or experiences you’ve had.
Pain gets such bad press in our society, and with so much of our experience of pain being non-consensual it’s easy to understand why. For many the word ‘pain’ is associated with illness, abuse, emotional distress and damage to the body, and I’m sure we can all agree that these are not desirable things. Pain is often painted as something that removes our power, something that can have power over us, and something that leaves us weak, but this doesn’t always have to be the case.
Pain doesn’t have to be negative
Pain is an inevitable part of life that we all must encounter, but if we can find a way to invite and embrace it, so much that we assume about pain gets turned on its head. Choosing to experience pain in a safe and consensual way takes the power away from it, and passes that power over to you. Recieving pain consensually can in fact be empowering, rather than disempowering.
In BDSM, when you chose to bottom and let someone do things to you with floggers, canes, paddles, needles, or even just scratching and biting you’re in control, and you can control how you react to the sensations (I’m speaking about sensation play here and not playing with power in Dominance and submission, which is a whole other article in itself). You can chose to experience the sensations as suffering and it will likely be that, or you can chose to allow the sensations to be simply sensations to observe or enjoy and it will feel very different. Often beathing is a key point in changing the experience of pain. By changing how you think about and process the sensations you can take the power back and have the experience you want. Once you’ve learned to experience consensual pain in this way you can apply similar principles to other pains in life, empowering you to deal with things you have no control over.
Pain can feel exquisite
If you choose to play with intense sensations and manage to let go of associations just for a little while to fall into the sensation, often it stops feeling like pain and can become intensely exquisite and pleasurable. There are a few reasons for this, one is that when our bodies are hurt they release the neurotransmitters known as endorphins, which are the bodies very own natural opiates, creating happy feelings, leaving you relaxed, spacey and often with a goofy grin on your face.
Our clever bodies also release adrenaline in this situation, this is the fight-or-flight response and can give quite a buzz, the same buzz people get from exercising, extreme sports and riding fast fairground rides. Adrenaline increases our awareness, and prepares the body to take action. This buzz can feel extremely powerful, often leaving people feeling like they can take on the world and win.*
Pain can be cathartic
When we’re in this heightened state it can be difficult to contain emotions that we’ve been holding on to, so this can be an opportunity to release them, often through tears, screams, shakes, laughter… any involuntary physical expression. Allowing these to pass can sometimes be difficult or scary, but the emotional clarity and physical sensations afterwards makes it all worth it. This can be a useful tool for releasing old trauma as well as recent stress, and also to reclaim the body and it’s reactions. Allowing intense sensations with consent gives you the power, and with this power you can reclaim your body as yours, overwriting the times when you’ve had to suffer non-consensually.
There is a bit of skill involved in making all the juicy things above happen, from both the receivers and the givers. In BDSM we are often aiming to increase these chemicals making the body feel as good as possible, usually with the minimal unpleasant sensations (although some people grow to love these too). I’ve been playing around with this from both sides for over 15 years now so know the territory pretty well, and often in sessions teach people how to receive pain and accept it, breathe through it, let it ride them. And I watch people so closely, watch every breath, every movement of your body so I can get the best idea possible of where you are at now and what you need next to take you to that next level.
My empowerment through pain
For me personally pain has been a massive part of my life and my personal growth, it may not have been a path I consciously chose, but it is definitely the one I have walked. It’s through allowing myself to feel and process intense sensations that I have learned my strength, if my body can withstand everything I throw at it, and I have enough control over my mind to stay present, and process these feelings, I can do absolutely anything. I have released a lot of the traumas that were holding me back through floggers, canes, hands and tears. And I have proven to myself just how strong I can be by taking my body through ordeals way beyond what I thought I could endure. One of the best things about these ordeals is that whilst they are called ordeals for a reason and not easy or comfortable, the blissful, ecstatic, endorphins filled high coursing through my body during and afterwards was a super happy bonus.
So much more than just a sensation
So yes, pain can be horrible and nasty, but there is so much more to it than that. It can also be exquisite, pleasurable, cathartic, enlivening and empowering. It can give you power, it can give you a high, and it can teach you about yourself. If this is something that calls to you, and if you allow it to happen, embrace and welcome it it can change everything. So, want to come play…? Contact me to get started.
* Whilst these things are true for the vast majority of people our body chemistry and reactions are all different and unique. For some people a light spanking will get them into this heightened space, and other bodies just don’t release large quantities of endorphins, some people love the adrenaline buzz, whilst others find it uncomfortable. Even with one person, there are hundreds of other variables that can affect what your experience is when playing with intense sensations, including physical and mental health, mood, time of day, who you’re playing with, where you’re playing, what tools you use… Just because something didn’t work once doesn’t mean it never will, and likewise, just because something worked well one time, it might not be the same the next. For this reason I’m massively in favour of continuing exploring our bodies, trying things more than once, in different settings, on different days. I guarantee you will surprise yourself at least once.
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