I’ve had lots of requests from people wanting to become my personal sub recently, so I’m going to set a few things straight here. In this post you will find information on what it really means to serve a dominant person, what I expect from you, what you can expect to do and experience, and how to get started if this is your path. Of course this is all only applicable to serving me, other Dommes will likely have slightly different perspectives so make sure you ask for clarification before offering yourself up.
First things first, language. By default I refer to my submissives as “subs”, not slaves. I find the use of the word “slave” in this context to be problematic, so please respect this and stick to other words such as sub, bitch, minion, maid, walking wallet… You get the idea.
Being a personal sub isn’t easy – it’s not your fantasy of getting lots of attention and BDSM play on tap. It’s not a cheap and easy route to my attentions. Being a personal sub is hard work, and proving yourself takes a long time. We will spend less time playing than I would with a regular client who books monthly sessions.
Being a personal sub means you make yourself useful to me, support me and my business and put my needs before your horny desires. You do things because you want to please me and make my life easier, not because it’s what turns you on. With a personal sub I am in a personal relationship, and that takes a long time to build and requires a lot from you. I will put a lot in too, but first you need to show me that you are worth it.
Patience is a virtue
It takes a long time to earn my trust. At first you will get minimal amounts of attention (unless you really impress me with more than words) and you’ll be given simple tasks. Over time if you prove that you can complete these competently and on time, the tasks I give you will become more interesting, and more important to me. I’m not interested in micromanaging someone – I will give you clear instructions and leave you to do the task. If you repeatedly fuck up I will lose interest and move on. I don’t stand for having my time wasted and training someone who isn’t trying their best is a waste of my time.
My time does not come for free
You will pay for the privilege of serving me – not necessarily in cash or hourly rates, but in necessities, small thoughtful gifts or a monthly tribute to support me. You don’t need to be rich and a lack of money is not a reason I would refuse a sub application, but you do need to be generous. You can also expect to continue paying for sessions if you want them regularly, at least at first. If you serve well I will offer you more of my time and attention without charge, but the ratio of service to play time is probably around 30:1, so if you’re really most interested in play, you will be frustrated.
Why become a personal sub?
This is all a lot of hard work, so what do you get out of it? You get to forget about your troubles for a while and just focus on the needs of someone else, to lose yourself in service; you get the satisfaction of doing a job well, of seeing me flourish; you get to enjoy my time, attention and gratitude; you get to see behind the scenes, understand what my life is really like, not just the polished version the internet sees; if you serve well you get to be part of a rewarding and mutually beneficial relationship with someone who is pretty great. I will care about you, support you, and it will be in my interests to encourage you to be the best version of yourself that you can be.
A word from current personal subs
I’ve been a personal sub of Sir Claire’s for around a year now, serving her primarily by cleaning her flat once a week (my work schedule permitting!). I arrive, we have a pleasant chat and catch up for a bit, I clean her bathroom, kitchen, and lounge, we chat some more and I depart. It is anything but a sexualised affair – I don’t strip naked, nor does Sir Claire loom over me doling out the occasional spanking for missing a spot of dirt! So why, then, do I happily don my rubber gloves and clean her bathroom and do her washing up?
It is because I enjoy the intrinsic pleasure of serving her quietly and dutifully without expecting or demanding anything in return. I value the relationship we’ve built up (and continue to build), and it makes play sessions with her all the more meaningful and enjoyable. Ultimately I enjoy being useful to her and spending time with her, satisfied with the knowledge that she has one less thing to do in her busy life. -sub L
Being a personal sub isn’t about free kinky fun. If you get your rocks off fantasising about cleaning floors whilst being whipped, I’m sorry, but the only sore parts you’ll come away with is your knees. It isn’t even about having the chance to spend more time with your Dominant. If you prove yourself good at whatever tasks you’re allocated, chances are they aren’t even going to be around. Your Dominant has a business to run and a life to lead, and if you need to be micro-managed, you’re missing the point of you being there. I’ve been a cleaner, a gopher, I’ve shopped, I’ve done online research and I’ve updated spread-sheets. It’s work, with very little time for fantasies. But it is rewarding, very rewarding, because you are working for a magnificent and remarkable person, and you’re making their life just that little bit better, contributing, helping them, and in doing so you’re growing a little bit yourself. -sub M
What does a personal sub do?
This is different for each sub and will depend on how much time you have, where you live, and what your interests, skills and limitations are. You could potentially end up doing all of these, or just some of them. Often people will start off with one or two then, over time, find they want to do more to serve.
Activities that are useful to me include: domestic service, grocery shopping, DIY, cleaning in the Peacock Parlour, editing my writing, researching things and writing reports, assisting in promotion on Twitter or other sites, arranging travel and accommodation, accompanying me to events, cooking, video editing, photography, writing descriptions of clips, uploading clips to sites, general admin, buying necessities, treating me to lovely things, looking after my BDSM toys, polishing my boots (this needs to happen way less frequently than some subs seem to believe), proofreading, taking me shopping for fetish clothing, accompanying me to restaurants, being a body for me to practice new skills on, assisting in photo shoots, massage… the list goes on!
Notice how few of these are directly kink related? That is the difference between a personal sub and a subby client. Personal subs assist in day-to-day life as well as with BDSM related tasks, and BDSM is a large part of my life, but it’s far from everything. Of course there is plenty of space for clients to help out with occasional parts of my life too. There are many ways to be helpful and not all of them require you dedicating yourself to me completely!
How do I want to feel in our interactions?
Feelings are important, and knowing how the other person wants to feel in an interaction is key to getting things just right. I want to feel delighted with my sub. I want to be pleasantly surprised at how well, competently and quickly something is done. I want to feel proud to have you serving me. I want to feel cared for and highly respected. I want to trust you. I want your presence in my life to enhance my mood, not leave me frustrated, angry or drained. I want to smile when you walk in the room.
How do you become a personal sub?
If you’re mainly interested in play or having your fetishes met you’re better off just paying for sessions, then we can negotiate something based from your desires and we can both have a fantastic time in sexy fetish filled bliss together. If you occasionally want to help me out with something outside sessions then great, you can let me know what that is as it arises. However, if you genuinely want to serve me on an ongoing basis here are some useful hints to get you started.
Remember, you need to SHOW your usefulness and dedication to me before requesting my time, not just TELL me that you are useful. Anyone can claim to be useful and many people do; I don’t believe it until I see it. Remember also that you are trying to impress me here, I have a constant stream of people messaging wanting to serve me, what makes you worth me investing my time in?
Some ideas to get you started on the right foot:
- Join my OnlyFans, like and comment on my content
- Book sessions, either through Skype or face-to-face so I can get to know you
- Tribute for any of my time you take up
- Send me gifts – if you would prefer not to support Amazon (I would) then find the specific requested gift elsewhere and send me a gift certificate for that website, or simply cash
- Make a Twitter profile if you don’t already have one and like, retweet and comment on my tweets
- Introduce yourself politely letting me know what you can offer that would be useful to me: time, money, skills. If I don’t know you I’ll want references too…
- Learn new skills that would help me out, improve yourself for me
- Offer to cover expenses in a specific area of my life: e.g. beauty, food, house bills, travel, clothing, hobbies…
Qualities of a good sub – either have these already, or develop them.
- Excellent listening and communication skills
- Realistic understanding of your skills and competencies
- Self motivated
- Polite and friendly
- Good self awareness
- Impeccable personal hygiene
Now that you have read this page in full do you still want to send that email requesting to become a personal sub, or have you realised that you are more interested in bookings sessions? Both are great, but problems occur when your desires are unclear and you request the wrong type of interaction.
If you have decided that you want to serve me on an ongoing basis, then you know how to begin, get to it.